anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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