The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I skipped work to stalk him.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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