you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize