How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
