Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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