I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We're too hungover to prance.
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