shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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