I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
