WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
