I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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