They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
