i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
