It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
