Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you didnt know i had herpes?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
