hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
