so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
