I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
