Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
