Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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