If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
