At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
