Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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