Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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