shes about as inviting as chlamydia
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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