If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
