he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize