Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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