Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
