It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
