Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
