Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
