I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Randomize
