even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
