we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
