it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
