nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
