the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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