no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
