Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
