Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
