then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
