Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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