he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
