Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
