I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
