Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
