the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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