yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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