After last night, I could never be a politician.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
