i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
