Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
