i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize