Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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