At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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