She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
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