Im at strip club and am horny
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
