How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
