apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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