I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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