I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
