4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
