So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
