He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize