I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize