is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
