i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
