Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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