I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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