So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
